June 07, 2006

The Knight has spoken.

Met up with Eug yesterday for dinner. I still can't grasp how a bowl of Caesar salad with smoked salmon and a not-nice Iced Passion Tea with Gelato can cost 20 freaking bucks. The cost of living is just so high in Singapore! Just how much can lettuce cost?

Luckily, the company was priceless. We touched on what 'achievement' meant, the gap between ideals and reality when it comes to finding a roof over the head, touched on the role of an educator (our common foundation topic) in a learning environment like Singapore, talked about what subjects I must really take if I go study in NIE, about our own relationships and we both brought home with us some paradigm shift in perception.

How often do you get to meet a friend, talked so much, shared some expensive food and each bring home a lesson in shifting paradigms? Not very often. But, I'm glad I still get this kind of opportunity once every few months.

xxx

So, that's what makes all of you different.

I smsed this to Eug last night, after I got home.

"You know, in my opinion, thinking about any decision is an attempt to be responsible to yourself and the ones who would be affected by your decision. Even if sometimes, the thinking takes longer than preferred. But, I'd rather take the time to make a justified decision that I can stick by, than to adopt one that circumstances decided for me."

I occasionally wonder why I get along with certain people better than others. It's a common line of query for many of us, isn't it? Why you just click with some people better and not so well with others?

It kept slipping my mind that I once got an answer out of myself. It's about responsibility. Not just responsibility towards others' expectations of you. More to do with balancing that responsibility with the sense of responsibility for oneself, for what one expects from one's own life.

It's the seek for that balance of self-investment with living out the expectations your loved ones have for you. It's so not easy. We are all struggling. Sometimes, the scale balances a bit better than other times.

But, I guess, we all have our own velvet cushion to fall back on when the horrible needle deviates too much from the center. Mine is, that, everything happens for a reason. If you hang around long enough to see what's next, you'd get to find out why.

Take some time, you know who you are. Circumstances may catalyse a decision, but you still have to put your foot down yourself.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:33